merrysharerush_australia SOON

            It was a year ago that I left my home. The life that I lived for almost two decades is now just a mere memory – some were good ones and others, well, let’s just say part of growing up is getting hurt. Indeed, those painful experiences after leaving stitches in my wounded heart made me a better person. Then, a tear had fallen down from my cheeks. But before I continue my fast-moving life, I want to go back and reckon an event that made a mark in my unpredictable, joyous and youth life…

            As I went down the gangplank of Airbus A783, the morning breeze of the City of the Golden Friendship greeted me with its freshness and comfort. The sweet smelling sampaguita hanged on my tired neck as my mom and friends welcomed me. Hugs, cheers and tons of questions hampered me to grab a pillow and hopefully take a nap on the way to my ancestral’s. “Why did you come here without any plans nor reasons of coming?!” That’s my mom all right. I don’t know if she’s happy that at least I have the decency of telling her to fetch me or just upset because I left the Land Down Under for a no good reason at all (that’s what she said). I decided to change my plan (if you call that a plan) of staying with “them.” So, I got a suite and there savor the time wherein I am in a cozy room with overflowing drinks and delicious foods. 

            But what takes me here is the memoir of a friend. Yes, simply a friend. Even I do not understand this undertaking of mine. I spent money, left my dream job (well, I just have a month leave) and went directly here to where I came from to find that friend of mine. What a risk! I am not sure if she’s still here- worst, if she’s still alive…

            The time that I left after my college graduation, I did not saw her. We did not have an opportunity to bid good bye for one another. Perhaps, that bothers me already because until now she still haunts me in my dreams.

            Ateneo was my home for the last 4 years of stay in college and that is where we crossed our paths. School days we met in corridors and always have that smile for each other. Laughters and even ‘bad’ times are in our menu… I said menu because both of us are fond of eating, eating and eating! I remember during “my last” foundation day wherein we dined in an ala carte near the soccer field. Oh, it was fun! As we waited for our food to be served, she took pictures of people she hardly knew and of course, made fun of it! Good eyes breaker, I should say… Well, that did not last that long. Both of us have different sets of priorities and so LIFE MUST GO ON…

            Life must go on? How can I go on if I am here stuck with her memories. Unfair it seems but who can I blame? Her? She doesn’t even know and as if she cares to know. What is in her that makes me “suffer” this way. Is she okey right now? Still remains unanswered.

            The colorful street lights of Divisoria lightened the crowded place. Vendors are every where. I ate in one of the ala cartes, ordered a pitso and a chorizo- our order before. Beside me is an empty seat, wishing she was here. Taking pictures of people passing by and eating like there’s no tomorrow! She’s a fast-eater that is why I love eating with her. She’s an appetizer to me!

            Aside from being my appetizer, what really let me “stick” with her (even though she doesn’t want) is her “strange” attitude. Kinda unique and it somehow challenge my being flexible to this kind of person. But I think I was unsuccessful in terms of my dealings with her because it did not do any good. She is still away. I can’t do anything to make her stay. Why should I?!

            I went back to my suite. Reading some papers and watching CNN.

            I could not fall into limbo. Still in despair.

            Where is she?

            I got up and check my mail then open my messenger. It was almost a year or two that I haven’t got any whereabouts of her. It makes me sad and a bit worried, confused and somehow neglected. I tried to reach her but I guess it’s all over. I’ve done anything possible for me to reach her even to the extent of flying all over here. I should rest. I deeply pray that she will not haunt me no more…

            It was late at night.

            The city is now quite and in tune.

            Then suddenly, I heard 3 loud knocks on my door.

            “Are you

Ms.

Gates?”

            “Yes. Is there anything I can do?”

            I let the person in. We talked. The face was unfamiliar yet we expressed almost the same emotions. We laughed at each other’s punch lines. Indeed, it was fun! Who is this person? My long-lost-here-I-am-now relative or my as-if friend?

            Silence breaks us.

            “I know you’re puzzled already to who the heck I am, right? But it is not important. I want you to come with me…”  And so we went together. The grip of this person’s hand reminds me of her. Impossible, it is not her! Is she?

            “I bet you missed eating something that is our delicacy here in the

Philippines

. And I won’t let you leave again without eating it…” The person bought something that I loved to eat. We crushed it near the post of a street light then put some salt on it then started to sip…

            I enjoyed every sip of it. I bought another one. This time, it’s my treat! A bit slummy yet it satisfies! Its beak pointed to my pharynx as I swallowed it down… Hmmm!

            As I enjoyed my “meal,” a bright light strikes my eyes. A camera flashed.

     The clock ticks at the middle of its round shaped face; its 12:00 o’clock midnight. Joey Stokes went outside, gazing at the joyous midnight sky. Countless stars she sees and seldom do firecrackers paint colors into it, paucity indeed.

     The cool mountain-air embraces her that very moment. It is as cool as her frozen soul. She hears the monastery’s century old rusty bell, the rushing of the tender evening wind on the concave of her ears and the beating of her whacked heart.

      Joey then starts to write…

I am in the middle of nowhere – just kidding! I’m in a trip healing process PILGRIMAGE. Away from home, from my metropolitan life, wacky friends and from my per second-beeping mobile phone! I bet my friends are texting me at this very instant- sending messages for no good reason, hahaha! Miss you Royalties… I am planning this thing to happen and I love it. I MISS ME…

     She always carries with her a journal that was given by her sister before they part their ways two years ago. Every minute detail about her life, she takes time to scribble it down. From Joey’s first petting experience, her fears of being caught by her teacher helping her failing classmates to pass, club parties and island getaways- all intact in this thick note. Reality brings back the curve lines on her red thin lips. Right after this night, busy life again. But before it will happen, she sets off her mood and convinces herself that this is all worthwhile!

“I will make use of this available time for me to be happy,” she whispered.

     Even if she’ll scream with her heart out, nobody can hear her. The monastery is a mile away from where she is. She is feeling the time of her life. The same feeling she felt when she received a phone call from her mom saying, “I Love You Baby, you can do it!” in the midst of her nerve-breaking 7th grade recital.

     Tonight is His birthday. A lighted candle on top of a 10-peso chocolate muffin is her way of celebrating it. Simply sweet, simply Joey. Instead of asking Him His wish, she was the one wishing as she blew the candle… What her eyes can see are yellow-orange spots in a wide black sheet horizon. Perhaps these spots are the lighted homes in which happy families are inside, eating together fronting their lighted Christmas tree. She felt lonely but not alone… Although she is not with her family on the eve of Christmas, she knows in her very soul that her mom and dad are praying for her to have what she really wanted in her life. She could feel it and she’s thankful.

I learned a valuable lesson from the sermon tonight. It is the acronym – ARRG.

But what really caught my attention was the lighted, indigenous, gigantic Belen. It led me to sit in front of it. Beautiful is an understatement to describe the marvelous object. The light was just enough to shine on the manager manger. The crib was perfectly styled for the Infant Jesus and the statues of the Holy family, the Wise men (which reminds me of the 3 Companions!) and the farm animals were dressed appropriately and attractively – very smoothing to the viewer’s eyes, into my sinful eyes…

     The acronym that Joey learned from the Homily that night stands for Accept, Reflect, Respond and Growth. In a different page of her journal, she scribbled her free-style thoughts. Usually Joey uses this technique (in which she learned from her Essay Professor in Ateneo) to pour out her innermost thoughts regarding her feelings about her self and issues that revolved around her. And here it goes…

ACCEPT. We must learn to accept Christ in our lives. It would be very difficult to find Him in our hearts if we failed to welcome Him to be with us in our journey. Let us acknowledge the fact that we are indeed made through His image and likeness. Filipinos are known for being hospitable to our visitors even to the people we hardly know! But are we as hospitable to the Coming of our Savior? Do we acknowledge Him in our lives? If so, why is there insecurities within us?! The fact that He gave His life to us – that alone should SECURE US of who we are. We are God’s children. We are already saved and there’s nothing to worry about. He made everything worth living only if we accept Him in our lives…

REFLECT. If we take examinations and quizzes to evaluate our learning, the MORE we need to have a self-evaluation (we can take it without suffering the long lines in the Finance Office! Cool ei?!). I admit that reflection could not easily be done. It takes courage to face our pitfalls and determination to overcome our “not-really-good” side. Sometimes, it needs the help and affirmation from the people who knows us – Real Friends or our family. They will be our guides in knowing our selves better. I am blessed because I have these people surrounding me. They are my living angels! Journey On!

RESPOND. Let us make it in a contextual manner – that is, tapping real issues so as to grasp the real sense. Look around us. Do we find comfort in what we see? As we go our way to Xavier, can’t we see our brothers and sisters, who themselves are also made through His image and likeness, craving for food to eat and thirsts for societal attention so as they can address their “sentiments.” Conceivably we are not bothered of it because we are so-called “busy.” According to the Student Leaders (I was one of them with that belief), most of us are apathetic. The issue on Student Apathy never dies. But I learned from an elder Student Leader that there is NO APATHY! It just so happened that students have other concerns and other set of priorities in life- not only supporting campus activities. Anchored on that idea of zero-apathy, let us try to make some “baby steps” to address the visible predicaments and making it as one of our concerns and priorities. We are taught not only to memorize and pronounce very well the Ignacian Principles and our Mission Statement but also to put it into action – let us respond to the call!

GROW. Not in height! (Do I sound defensive?!), hahahaha! After accepting our Savior, reflecting about ourselves and responding to what is needed, no doubt that we will be able to grow in becoming a better and mature individual with a big heart…

     At the bottom of that page, Joey wrote this note…

I don’t want to give an impression that I am better than the person who will come to read these scribbles of mine because it will make me a hypocrite! I am still on a pilgrimage – journeying places where I can possibly learn new things that will restore my old self for me to fulfill God’s plans c”,) YEAH! –w!nkz-

     Joey look back at the countless twinkling stars. As a Taurian, her stars tell her about her creative side (as well as her being naturally charming which sometimes saved her during “miseries”). She tried to draw the faces of the people whom inspire her to do MAGIS but zodiac sometimes fails. She do not have Da Vinci’s Gift of Art nor Harry Potter’s Magic Wand to move and command the stars to form faces. It strains her framed eyes.

     She stops her “glorious” moments. It is almost sunrise and the misty dewdrops append to the mode of her sandals. She walks with glee towards the monastery. A mile walk for Joey is as easy as creating a paper airplane – no sweat! (Who will perspire in the middle of a high mountain at early dawn?!)

     Before she enters her room, a blessed brown clothed woman held her hands together and suddenly squeezed it tightly, which made her scream out loud!!! OUCH…! Joey’s face turned sour.

What the heck is wrong with her? Is that the punishment of coming back very late (actually very early in the morning!)? It confuses her. She gives a sad and sorrow face…

     Then the woman said,

“ If you will not be hurt my child, you cannot distinguish a life with God and a life without Him.”

     After saying those words, she walks away in silence. Joey begins to ponder. She gets her pen and puts a closure to her almost-filled journal when she arrives at her room. Her bed is her slab.

If life is only pleasure, do we still need God? Now, we don’t even know Him very well with this kind of life that we have – imperfect, how much more if it is filled with perfections… Some people questioned God of his being God because He let His people suffer. He let His people experience pain, calamity, struggle and even death of loved-ones. But here is the “catch”… He gave us obstacles for us to have a “brighter, better view about our life.” In times of trials in our lives, He already assured us that He is with us. Remember The Footprints in the Sand? “It was I who carried you…”

Indeed, I had a different Christmas experience this year!

Love Lots,

Joey

     It is on that day of the 25th of December that Joey Stokes battles with the reality. She plays with her unconscious drives and thus, finds satisfaction.

     But still the wounding truth keeps on bleeding… She is sitting in a computer chair, fronting a monitor, confined in her four-walled blue room, making her new life-mirrored story for almost three straight hours under a white colored ceiling.

Wearin’ two sets of uniform,
Hopin’ to form and to inform.
The young mind of ours,
Full of vigor to lasts for 280 hours!

Checkin’ of papers is what we do,
From themes, manuals ‘ven poems ’bout ado!
Red pen is now our friend,
Which we greatly depend.

MPR is our headquater,
All are welcome except for eaters!
Bags ranging from formal to fashion,
Left with open zippers for we’re all in action.

Though different with our thoughts,
Wisdom still overflows.
Issues, problems ‘ven gossips are discuss,
But careful not let anyone be disgust!

Bonds are tighten,
Laughter nor sadness sometimes heighten-
Still manages to reconcile,
Hugs, kisses and ends with a smile…

When boredom comes,
Music fills in our eardrums.
Some play silly games,
Others just want to escape the shame!

We are all in these together,
English, Filipino, Math, Science and Computer-
We aim not for mediocrity,
But for excellence that goes with beauty!

We are the next mentors,
Excited yet still full of terror-
To experience the unseen
Which hopefully will not make us sin!

We entrust to Him our semester,
MAGIS is what we offer.
Interns with Achilles’ strength, Athena’s wisdom and Cupid’s heart,
ALAS! That is who we are.

TXT COMFORT

Teteet, teteet...

Her phone-beep rings.

"Have a heavy heart..." I texted.

"Why? What happened?" She replied.

I told her what's inside,

Something that I need to hide.

But she sends a caring touch,

Which Oh! I need so much.

Touch? You might asked...

How in text can it be possible?

Alas! Care knows no boundaries.

It is all able.

Tears I want to burst,

Turned into bitter words.

Feelings were expressed,

Through a keypad press.

Messages overflowed,

All from me; out from mind-blowed.

She sends no words,

Then I reckoned.

"Sorry if I tell you all these..."

Oh! What a pity but that's what I said.

"'tis okey; I'm just listenin'..."

A single text that is like an aid.

Now. I am convinced -

Friends need not to appear, for a heart to heal.

Only need sincerity;

A listenin' heart to appeal.

Alas! Comfort in text is what I feel.

From a friend who wants no other deal,

But to well a friend who is ill.

I thank who ever Text God for makin' this real.

For my friend,

This poem is written with in tend;

To THANK YOU for the unseen goodness,

Which you showered without madness.

You might not like this kind of praise,

Thus, will make you not at ease.

But just let me tell you this,

You made me swim in the midst of Thetis' sea.

Sex in advertising is the use of sexual attraction as a tool of persuasion to draw interest to a particular product, for purpose of sale. Sex advertisements to be specific in print advertising, generally uses attractive women as its models. Today’s print advertisement uses women as sex objects. Such observation is anchored in the effects and theories of Gender Stereotyping as the effect of mass communication, Agenda Setting Theory and the Symbolic Interaction.

Gender Stereotyping is one of the five effects of Mass Communication. It states that media cannot show all realities; therefore, the choice they make in presenting people may facilitate or encourage stereotyping. In this case, media depicts women as sex objects in print advertising versus men. In addition, images of pretty women often appear in print advertisements even when they have no connection to the product being sold. These images support the fact that for a product to sell in the market, it needs to have a sexual stimulus – which happens to be women.

The Agenda Setting Theory, on the other hand, argues that media may not tell us what to think but it certainly tell us what to think about. With the widespread production and distribution of sexual print ads, media seems to tell us that these print ads are part of our custom and that these are acceptable in the society with regards of culture, race, age and sex. This idea was inculcated in our senses, which will be the reason why sexual print ads are not that sexual anymore for most of us look at it as plainly print ad. Planting this idea of sexual print ads as common that goes as well the idea of putting women in the print ads as sex objects as generic.

Finally, the Symbolic Interaction states that people give things meaning and that meaning controls their behavior. This theory explains why advertisers often succeed by encouraging the audience to perceive their products as symbols that have meaning beyond the products’ actual function. The controversial print ad of Carl Jr. Hamburger with Paris Hilton, as its model is a good example. The print ad tell us that if you cannot get down with Paris Hilton, you can, at least, get down to your local Carl’s Jr./Hardees franchise and have a spicy barbeque burger. Like Paris Hilton, they’re…"Hot!"

Our defense against the advertiser’s way of manipulating our minds comes through the education in media literacy. If we are media literates, we have the power to choice whether to accept, reject and even ignore what these advertisers produce or the sensual print ads. We can decide to purchase products without making these ads as basis of buying but rather the products’ actual function will drive us to buy so as to satisfy our needs which may not only be about sex. We also have the power to examine the prints ads that will help us evade the trap that the advertisers made. The POWER is with us if we educate ourselves. If we are well informed, we will know the TRUTH. Advertisers could not foul us because we know what to believe. Thus, this truth will set as free – free from the deceptive print advertisements that uses women as sex symbols! 

     Once again it’s time for us to fight for our freedom. This time it is against corruption. By listening to the corruption news almost everyday, is your blood boiling to do something for our country? Are you willing to talk about it? As future teachers, we must! Corruption is impairment of integrity, virtue and moral principle. It has been existed way back we were born. It can cause great mischief to the civil society; there is no way that corruption can be viewed as a positive one but why is it rampant until now? When we cheat or lie to others we gradually take from ourselves what all the money in the world cannot buy – integrity. What if this integrity will be taken away by corruption? Imagine a person without integrity. It is like an aimless individual. A person who does not have integrity is not worthy to be called a citizen. Corruption in our country can be compared to the population rate. That every minute or even seconds, corruption happens. It is so ironic that most - not all, people we’ve been voted for to govern us are the ones putting us in hell through their corrupting activities. I am not just saying my opinion. It has been known by the public. Virtue or morality is also greatly affected by corruption. It destroys the replica of our nation. I hope that those people who have shown their expertise in corruption bear in mind that the Philippines is a Christian country. Officials should be looked upon with the highest esteem and respect but because of such corruption, this all turned upside down. Education is a very important aspect of any person’s life. It is one great factor in determining a certain future for that individual. A successful education may ensure a successful future both in the person’s career or personal path. But successful education won’t be attained in just a blink of an eye. It should be well planned and carried out by authorized persons, the TEACHERS. More or less 20 years of our lives are devoted in the organization that provides instruction. With these years, teachers play a crucial role in the development of the learners. Learning depends on how the teacher motivates and encourages the learners to learn. And that is how teaching profession becomes a challenge. A teacher has to be a model to his learners. This is important so that the learners will absorb the good values that their teacher taught them and there is a great possibility that all the learnings they had will be applied. Therefore, teachers mold a person’s future. Society recognizes the vital role of the teachers in propagating positive values to the learners. The commitment of a teacher is indeed necessary to instill self discipline to their students. If self discipline will be used as student’s strong foundation, corruption will not be vanished but at least it will be lessened. A teacher has to be devoted in his field so that he will be able to achieve his goals and principles. And that is to produce students who are competent, with integrity and values. Teachers must face the fact that it they are responsible for the student’s improvement or decline. In teaching it is where you meet future presidents, lawyers, bank robbers and corruptors because the first process of molding comes from the teachers and if teachers teach their students what they really need to know then teachers can openly breathe and be assured that their students can stand on their own and live upright morals and strong principles To my first question, “Why is there a need to level up?” I would like to stress that there is a need for today’s teachers to take part of the nation’s cancer and that is - corruption. Though it is impossible for teachers to erase corruption in our system, they can motivate students to be catalysts for change. Teachers can give ideas and collect valuable suggestions from the students and create a list of best possible solutions to fight corruption. Teachers may not just focus on their syllabi nor master their lesson plan but they need to find ways to lessen corruption which affects not only our economy but all of us. In the first place, corruption deals not only with money.      

For today’s teachers and for my fellow future teachers, let us show our students a bright and corruption free future.

    I am here in Cagayan de Oro and I am a graduating student who is focused on my studies. Ian is in Davao City taking up B.S in Nursing and with him is his girlfriend of seven months. But what happened last summer is the event that will bind us together. Every summer, our high school batch will hold its annual reunion at the beach. After every reunion, hearts were healed, friendships were nourished and communications were opened. We all hope to have a fun-filled and exciting reunion because most of us will leave the metropolis for self-development. And one of these is Ian.

     Our eyes met as I went near the cottage. I had with me an oily dish that almost spilled to my outfit because I did not take off my eyes on him. “Oh, that look…I can hardly resist.” I said to myself. He grabbed the dish for lunch and we went directly to the red tent. There was silence for a moment then he hugged me tight which almost shorten my breathing. But I gave in. If I’ll die because of lack of oxygen-so what? I am in his warm arms…”How are you Mares?” he asked. I run out of words – he called me Mares, the named I longed to hear. “Me? Well, still the same. Nothing’s change. I am still me.” He smiled and then replied, “No you’re not. Something’s changed. You’re a woman now.” And you’re a man.

     The tent overflowed stories from the past, mirth and voices were heard from the outside but our batch mates did not reprimand us – as always. There, we were screaming and series of tremendous laughter echoed.

     Moments later, we went outside. It was a bit dark. The sun almost kissed the waters. It was a good scene but he was at my side – it was magnificent. In barefoot, we walked along the seashore. The sky radiated its breathtaking colors, the sea breeze whispered its gently winds and the cool waters gave my feet relaxation which I always wanted. But the breathtaking part was when he held my hand as we stroll… We sat in the sand and continue to talk. His words became sweeter as the conversation went on. He said, “You know what; I do not want to wake up from this dream because if I did I will no longer feel this way.” I was confused. This is not dream, this is real. I can feel him, I clearly see him and I could touch him…

     Despite the questions that ran into my head, I did not say a word. Then his phone rang. “I am in our reunion. I will call you later ok. I’m fine. Love you. Bye…” His words rumbled in my ears! I ask him who called then he said his girl friend. That day was there monthsary.

     I want to burst into tears but I do not want to break down in front of him. I want to put my heavy hand on his rosy cheek and leave a mark but I could not do it. He attempted to console me but I stand firmed. The sand left a single pair of footprint…

    It was months ago that this happened. I tend to stop communicating with him. I rejected many times his midnight calls. I am not even sure if we’re still friends but I hope that anytime soon a nurse will going to heal my broken heart.

MY DIARY

merrysharerush

It was on the moonlight night on the 16^th day of May in the year 1986 that I was born. The weather was just fine and everybody in our family was excited for a new member of the clan will soon be out in this astonishing, unpredictable yet miraculous vast planet called Earth. All of them were happy as I made my first cry. It was said by my mom that when she had her delivery with me, it was a bit hard. First, she has a hyper-tension. Second, I am premature and lastly I was not expected…

          As the days went on, my mom always check on me. My health – whether I already got those vaccines that I needed, vitamins to take in and was it my schedule in my pedia and all those things that will make me a healthy baby girl. Aside from that, my family was also very meticulous on what toys I’ll be playing with for I easy got allergies on dusty things. No stuff toys – most were rubber ones. No small plastic toys because I might swallow them. In short, most of the people around me are very protective of my growth.

          When it was time for me to go to school, the doors of new, exciting, unpredictable opened for me. I tend to catch on things which I did not experience at home and things rather actions that I was not used to were introduced to me. Of course, my mom knew that it will surely happen and she could not do anything – no matter how she badly wants to- to shield me from the “evil forces.”

          But it was neither from my mom nor from my family that I learned how to surf-in in the wavy kind of life. It was ME.

          I tend to mature in my own little ways. The experiences that I had in the 19 years of living taught me how to be strong, how to admit mistakes, how to cry, how to accept criticisms, how to beg, how to be treated unlikely, how to be rejected. It was in my triumph, in my achievements, winnings that I see my self how worthwhile individual I am. It was in the times of despair, loneliness, lost of hope and of happiness, joy, lucky and of bliss where I can say that “Hey, I am a living creature! Life is beautiful!” And in fact, it is. It was…

          In this point in my life, I want to go back to where I was before. I want to reckon the moments where I was on the pick of finding the real meaning of my existence. The times were I used to say, “Isn’t it lucky.” The time where I only let myself go with the flow of life. The time where I could fully say that, “This is the time of my life!”

          Let me go back and learn by heart, retain the experiences in my life and bring it with me as I will be vanished in this vast world. Let me do it in the way I told a tiny scribbled notebook which I called “My Diary.”

          But before that, I only want to let you know some of the significant points in my life which I wrote in my diary. From time to time I will intervene my present life – the present ME. 

          And here it goes… 

Diary,

          Hi! I am Mary. I’m 16 years old and still figuring out why I am creating you. Yes, you heard it right. I am creating you. I hope you’ll not misinterpret it okay? I really do not know. Did you know that today is my birthday? Greet me quick! Okay, I heard you… Thank You! See, you and me will be the best of friends. I promise I will be faithful in writing in. By the way, just to let you know that as I am talking with you I am also figuring out what I want in my life. I know you will help me with this, right buddy? Maybe this is the reason why I’m creating you – I mean writing you.

          Let me give you a brief introduction of myself so that I will not be strange to you. I’m in my high school now. I have a boyfriend named Airod – to tell you honestly I am still not convince if we are really in a relationship…I have a group of friends to whom I trusted my life – well seldom not due to my being “strange” to them but hey can you blame me?! My girl friends are Zsa-Zsa, Bebek, Redz, Yang-yang and Chay-Chay. We called ourselves, The Girls Company. During school programs we performed on stage by dancing. I am a dancer. When I am in school, we are always together. During recess, break time and even in making in assignments and projects! We are really bonded together despite of our differences which sometimes results in conflict/s which will not really last that long. Should I say – a minute?! And we’re back again. I am currently in good status in my studies. I still got those merit cards and was able to get on stage and was being applauded by all students. I have a lot of friends. I do not know why.  I have a favorite teacher. Actually she is not my teacher. She is Ms. Ma. Evelyn Betonio – Labadan.

          Now, you know me and the people around me. I could not wait to be in school again. This will be a long summer for me because I am just at home. Before I forget, I want to let you know how I spent my birthday today. Just like my previous birthdays – go to church, we ate outside and my friends said their birthday greeting and wishes to me. But did you know that, I REALLY DO NOT LIKE TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAYS! The truth is that once every natal day, YOU ARE DECREASING YOUR LIFE SPAN! So, it is ironic to commemorate your close-to-death life. But anyways, just to make myself normal I have to have a birthday! On the other side, I am also thanking the Lord for the gift of life and that I still manage to experience the things that He made for my own existence. I guess that is worth celebrating huh?!

          I think I want to call you another name – not a diary. Let me see…Nicholas. Yes, that would be your name from now on! I just love that name.

          So by the writing power vested upon me, I now official call you Nicholas.

We have now the same birthday, Nicky boy! Today is your first birthday…HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY NICHOLAS!

          You and I will now experience the NEW LIFE that is prepared for us by God. You and I will journey the unending facts of life. I will help you though how to live life because you are just a baby diary…

          YOU ARE MY PRECIOUS NICHOLAS… my baby diary.

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Nicky,

          As I woke up this morning, I am already excited to see you and have some talk with you boy! Life indeed is full of surprises. I just broke up with my so called – boyfriend. I do not know what exactly my reason was. I just did. Puff, he is out of my life! I think we are not really meant for each other and we are just young. I want to venture life in exploring what has life to offer me. That if I fall, it’s just me that will suffer and if I am happy, I just have my life to tap on for a job well done. Call it selfish okay…

          But Nicky I want you to know that in life you are just like juggling 5 balls. The 4 balls are the fragile ones – family, friends, health and integrity which include trust. These balls are the ones you should not gamble with. It must be taking cared of. You must have them in your life. You must give them importance and must keep it as long as you exist in your earthly body. The 5^th ball is made of rubber that if it will fell down, it will bounce again – relationship with an opposite sex. It might give you happiness as you juggle it but will also lead you to another phase in your life wherein you are not in control of the things that will be happening. It is just all right to let it fall for in the time where in you are ready to juggle it, it will just bounce back to you.

          Keep that Nicky… Always remember that one.

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Nicky, my Nicky –

          I am back to school again! Same old classmates and teachers though. But I do not tend to tell you that I am not happy of seeing them. I also would like to ask an apology for letting you wait… I am sorry for the long waiting. I am just a bit busy during the enrolment period and my unexpected vacation in Camiguin. I really forgot to bring you with me in my vacation – I am so sorry again.

          Nick, I learned today that death is like a theft in the night… One of my friend’s dad died. You know how? By merely watching the movie – The Pearl Harbor. Unbelievable right? What I heard is that he had a heart attack and the family did not noticed him because they were busy doing their stuff. What they only knew- he died. They do not know if he struggled or cried for help I just hope he is already now in peace with our God.

          You see, everything thing is unpredictable. Isn’t it lucky that until now, I am still alive! Thank God I am still…

          Good night my baby.

————————————————————————————————–   Until now, I still have that gift of life. Imagine I am still alive! Isn’t it lucky! Although life is a rollercoaster ride, I still manage to laugh and thank God for everyday blessings. It may not be that huge but still a blessing. The lesson of the 5 balls is still in my mind. There were just times wherein I forgot to keep those 4 balls in the right track. I tend not to give importance to my family, friends, health and sometimes my integrity as a person. In some point, I neglected my family. I do not pay importance to them. As for my friends, I do not like them to enter into my life when I am in need. I would rather keep what I felt deep within wherein they can make it easier for me if I let them help me out. I abused my health. I gage into activities that will put my life into risk. I tend to smoke (but I stop it now for I suffered a terrible nonstop coughing!), to take in alcoholic drinks just to satisfy my curiosity and the worst thing I’ve done is staying up late although my body needs a rest from a day’s heavy load. I also lost my integrity. I let myself be harassed by my “other side.” I enjoy speaking out words that would lessen my value as a person whom God made me through His image and likeness. Until now, I still did. I just do not know how to stop it. It just keeps on going. I just hope that I will not be able to drop my integrity ball for if I will, that would not be whole again… That goes as well in the other 3 balls. I had once let the 5^th ball joggled in my life. Just recently - the past 3 months. I met Mr. Louie Embate – the president of a certain college council. We have an affair. We met during our 3 day Leadership Training Seminar and there bloomed a beautiful love story. He’s closest to perfection. Handsome, great guy and is Christ-centered. I really fall for him .He is so sweet, caring and honest in what he feels. I even fall for him when he said that I helped him out in knowing himself better. With him, I found my life not only in love but of help. When we are together, I am more than happy and so he is also. He is thoughtful – very thoughtful. We write messages for each other and pinned it in our office’s bulletin board and all of our co-officers were jealous of the sweetness we have for each other. If I have a meeting, he will patiently wait for me and that goes as well to him and we went home together. I reside in Iponan but he really made it a point that he will carry me home safe and sound even though their house is just a few meters away from Xavier. But just like the previous one – I let it fell down…

Hey buddy –

          I received an invitation to study in Xavier University. I graduated from high school where I am proud to say that I have tons of achievements – my proof is my countless certificates and 7 medals which includes the prestigious President Gloria Macapagal Leadership Award. But still I have that fear of going into college. If only I have the option of accelerating time. I will fast forward it directly to the Graduation Rites then get a job! It’s impossible all right!

          I know Nicky that what I achieved in high school will not give me an assurance that I will do good in college and still maintain that “pride.” I am still not prepared to do that one because I am used to. Just help me out.

          Isn’t it lucky that I got this chance of entering college where in fact some of my batch mates could not even though they want to…?

          Nicky, I found out that the Law of Surviving into the Fittest is not only applicable to animals but also to us – to me. There are “forces’’ that will deep us in the midst of distress and there are those who will help us grow. The only thing to do is to SURVIVE in those challenges ahead so that we can still be able to play the game of life. Continue living and continue surviving…

          I will enroll in the College of Commerce and be an accountant someday just like my sister and that also I would make my dad happy then after that one I will proceed to study law because that is the one envision by my dad. I want to make him happy because I had disappointed him already by not being the valedictorian in our class… Please tell him Nicky that I am deeply sorry… I do not know how but just do it buddy. Do it for me because I can’t face him now. I am ashamed of what I only achieved…

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My dear Nicholas,

          I failed him again… I did not survive in the realm of Accountancy. I got an F which is hard for me to continue. I don’t really like my course. As the day breaks, that goes as well with the hope in my studies. I am not happy and could not find satisfaction in what I am doing. It is as if what I have done is not enough - the sleepless nights of studying and trying to answer all the exercises in the book for the next day will be another “burden” for me and I could really say that I am not in love with what I am doing. For a year, I struggled and now I fall. I thought that my motivation of making dad happy is enough to make things right but I was wrong. It needs more than those… It must come from me.

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The Listener,

          Guess what? I enrolled in the College of Education! Yup, I did… I can already sense that I will make it far here because I love to teach even in high school. My friends – remember the Girls Company, were a bit stunned when I told them that I shifted from my course. The only one that supports me in my decision is my Mommy Eve, not my biological mom but my heaven-sent mother. She was my favorite teacher in high school and now she turned into my mother… Isn’t it lucky for me to have her? And of course, having you Nicky.

          I am thankful of the people who give me strength to move-on and face the world again with heads up high for I know this time I made a right choice FOR MYSELF.          

          Wish me luck Nicholas!

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          After I let him out of my life, I could not say that I am fully happy because I am missing him but I know I had to get rid of him for the reason until now still figuring out. I am already in my 3^rd year in the field of Education with English as my major. I am pompous to say that I made use of what I have learned in high school (which before doubted that I can make us of them). I survived this point in time not only relying on the academics but what made my ride worthwhile was making use of my leadership skills. I think I am destined into it. I am the current president of our organization and was able to cope up well in my studies. I tend to proved that the saying “You can’t serve 2 masters at the same time” erroneous because in my case I did. I am at the peak of my leadership and not a mediocre in my studies. I have balance them well. And I believe that I was able to do it because in the first place I like what I am doing and with that I can’t hardly differentiate what is burden from joy. Satisfaction is what I feel in what I am doing and of what is happening now with my life. Call it Magic –yes it is. Life for me is not only full of grief and sorrow, of happiness and of glee but with a touch of magic. I considered it magic once I came to overcome the obstacles. Magic given by God.

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Nick,

          I am happy of the road I am traveling now. I want you to remember this, “Do not sweat on small stuff.” Life is full of minute details such as what will I wear today, what would I eat for lunch, who will be the people I will be dealing with and so and so forth. Instead of knowing the answers to these questions why not deal with them like you are doing an impromptu presentation. Do not focus too much on finding the answers instead find time to experience it. And also Nicky, instead of regretting that you should have done this and that, try to think on what is happening NOW. Do not dwell on with the past. Do not hang up for if you will, you will not give yourself a chance of learning a new lesson as each day unfolds. If you are disappointed, be it but do not take it with you. If you are angry, express it but do not make it ruined your day. Do not imprison yourself Nick. Be free!

          And that is what I am doing with myself…

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Pal,

          I have done something wrong today… I spread some gossips. I wish I did not. I thought by doing so, I can be of help but I make things even worst that I could imagine. I won’t go into details for that would only give you the negative energies that I am carrying in now – I do not want to pass it on to you.

          I found out that by doing it I am only satisfying my inner most desire and not really helping in solving the conflict. I want to let people know that I am up-to-date in what is happening in the surroundings. I forgot that there should be times that I have to keep my mouth shut and hinder myself to express my thoughts in the issue especially if I am not involved with it. Although people do not know what I have done but still my guilt is hunting me. It moans in my dreams and I am disturbed about the outcome of what I have done. I could not just tell them that it was I who makes it worst because I am afraid of what will happen to me. Oh, Nick if only I can breath-in life for you then I will. I just need you pal.

          I want to hear from you that things will be okay and that I have done was just part of being human. I am only human, imperfect and I am in authority to commit mistakes. I want to hear that one from you to ease this culpability away…

          Nicholas, say those things that I want to hear even just in my dream tonight. I will be waiting…

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My Answered Prayer –

          Today is not just a new day for me Nicky but rather a NEW LIFE! I just had my recollection and I felt good until now. I came across today all my fears, disappointments, angers with the people whom I do not like and my weaknesses and all those were offered to God. That is why I felt good and you can see it right? I feel that I have taken in my vitamins for my soul and that will sustain me and would shield me from harm. I would not expect that I will turn-out into a remarkable steward of God for I know I cannot due to my being weak. People say that lucky I am for I am strong (well, that is what they see from the outside because I tend to-because I must) but the fact is I am like of a putrid wood inside. I am good extrinsically but I do not dare to look inside of me. I am scared to find the inner me for the reason, I do not know. Maybe afraid to face who I really am. But Nicky I know you know me well…

          I know what I should do but is not willing to do it. I know what is right from wrong but still continue to do badly. I know that life is short that I do not have to make it shorter but still I did. Nicky, I permit you to call me dumb but do not just keep on teasing me or else I will burst.

          Remember what I promise you from the time I created you, I will be true in writing so that YOU WILL KNOW ME WELL.

          I did create Nicky. I am faithful and honest every time we talk each night. In him, I find a way to release what is in my thoughts in which I could not just tell anybody else. It is in this diary wherein I will not be persecuted if ever I will be true to myself. 

          Nicholas taught me how to appreciate life and being so keen in acknowledging blessings that comes into my life. He let me feel how great it is waking up each day, having air to breath in every second of the day for me to live. He is always at my side and I can always feel his presence although I could not see him. Every time we are together, I could really sense that I am listened to and that somebody cares. Somebody will miss me if I happened to forget writing in. Nicholas is my friend – the best buddy I could ever have.

          For 19 years being here on Earth experiencing the twist and turns of life, I am thankful for God give me such grace of touching other people’s life in my own little ways and being one of the sheep that He loved so much that He even died for me. Upon knowing that, it gives me an assurance that after this earthly life that I am dwelling in now, I will find the peace that I am longing. I will be with Him in the place where He already prepared for my coming as soon as I will fulfill my duty here on earth.

          Life is uncertain. We never know what will happen. Nobody can predict on what exactly will happen to us today even our daily horoscope because life is a mystery that is about to unveil unexpected moments that could either make or break us. But one thing is for sure, He will not give us burden that we could not bear.

          Life is what we make it. It will not depend on what will people say but rather on what we will do for ourselves. It is up to us to mold our lives. We have the power to do so.

          As for me, I used that power – the opportunity to have a better life, to become the better me. Yes, I made it. I created a way that will bring me closer to my fear. I came to face my apprehensions as I have created Nicholas.

         Nicholas is me – my inner self, the real Mary Anthony Cabeguin-Sieras… Isn’t it lucky?          

Text Messages making us all illiterate!

“Wer naman u? Huh! Me, is coming pah… Wyt me baya ha… Teeceee,Tsup!”

Are you familiar with this line? You might laugh upon hearing those words but I doubt you will still do the same when I will tell you the effects of text messages to you, to us. Texting is messing with everybody’s English. Every time I write an essay, I find out that I wrote words like “luv” or “fon” without noticing it. It is based more on verbal speech than written language that results to wrong grammar and worst, difficulty in constructing a complete sentence. If ever I have grammar and punctuation errors in my speech, therefore can be taken as a further proof of impact of texting and should be marked positively.

Text messaging has become a convenient medium that has changed the way we interact with each other. No matter where we are and at any time of the day, we send messages to our friends and loved-ones that have the option to reply, delete or forward them. With today’s commercialization, we have Unlimited Texting or the UNLIMITXT that worsen the situation! Sending all sorts of messages to almost everyone who is registered in our phonebook is just like increasing the members of the illiteracy guild.

Text messages take away the importance of correct spelling and grammar. It means that it is constructed to disregard the English language. Why bother keying “I’m feeling happy” when you could just use a smiley face ;). This proves that text message language is more about communicating than speaking or writing properly. The thing is to make the person understand what you are saying, and also making sure that you don’t spend time constructing a message.

Everyone owned a mobile phone! All types of people – rich, unemployed, under employed even students as early as kinder 2! No kidding! Parents began buying them for their kids (sometimes for yaya) claiming that it is a good way to keep in touch with their children and also checking where they are and if they were safe. Mobile phones quickly became the new teenage fashion statement and a status symbol. I, myself can attest to that. When I was in high school, my phone was a N5110. But now, I am in college my phone has a camera and is handy. I changed my phone twice within a year or two. But still I am not satisfied with my phone. Perhaps, I will buy a phone that has a lifetime upgrading capability like cell phone with refrigerator and a built in Ferrari!

Since mobile phones are accessible especially to teenagers, we are introduced to a medium that encourages us to explore and play about with the use of our language or the English language at a time when we are still learning about correct punctuation, grammar and overall structure of the English language. According to John Sutherland, a professor of Modern English Literature at University College London,

         “…Educationists will point out that it’s a forgiving system: it masks dyslexia, poor spelling and mental laziness. Texting is a penmanship for illiterates!”

We, the texters may also take advantage of different phonetic spellings in order to create different types of verbal effects in our messages such as “hehe” for laughter or “mwah” for kiss. When we text, we can ignore everything that we’ve learned about the English language. But as we continue to ignore, we begin to forget the laws. Therefore, our language skills begin to slowly disintegrate until we edge our way back to illiteracy.

Texting is not bad. It bridges the gap and lightens one’s soul. It makes communication easy. But what makes it dreadful is when we tend to neglect what we learned and making us dumb in a universal living language which before we were masters of it. Is it not possible to express your thoughts in a complete sentence with correct spelling and punctuations on it? Think about it. Message space is not a problem because you are registered to 2870 or the unlimited promo! Text until you drop but just don’t drop the proper use of English language. K? I mean, okay.

A sparrow was in love with a white rose… One day, the bird proposed to the white rose but the rose told him that when she turns red, that’s the only time she’ll love him. The sparrow then cut his body on the rose. The rose turned red and fell in love with the sparrow… but the sparrow was no longer alive…

Sacrifices for LOVE are sometimes useless especially if the one you love does not know how to appreciate and accept the person who loves them. They’ll come to realize important matters when its already gone…